About a month or so ago, I went to dinner with one of my closest friends. As we dined over dim sum and stir fry, I confessed to her that I have developed a crush on a guy that I have known for quite some time. Me and this guy, are friends. We chat every now and then and I enjoy the chat. How do I know I like talking to him? I know because I make time for it.
Towards the end of last year, I turned off all notifications for Whatsapp in order to help me restore the balance of power. I choose when I go on to Whatsapp, not the other way round. You know that feeling where you are a slave to the chats, not me, not anymore.
Nowadays, Whatsapp is the least opened app that I use. So the fact that I take the time to respond to him and have chit chat, means I like him. A little bit at least.
Fast forward a couple of weeks and I found myself smiling every time he responded back to my message and there was even a time when I felt 1/10th of a butterfly. I haven’t felt that butterfly feeling for a very long time.
I then started asking myself if there was anything that I wanted to do about it. Melanie, as the girls on the #TheReceiptsPodcast would say, are you going to shoot your shot?
Dilemma time. Do I say something now? Do I ask a mutual friend to see if anything has been said about me? Do I wait until I see him next?
I asked my Instagram world and 70% voted “NO” – Cowards or smart? *thinking emoji face*
The people that I confided in all said I should wait until I see him and take it from there. Leaving it to fate to decide on how it all plays out. To be quite honest with you, I thought they were all chatting doo doo. Why wait for something to happen? You know me, I like to just test shit out and if it blows up in my face, it blows up! Grab the bull by the horns sorta vibe!
Upon reflection, I think they are right. I should just wait until we see each other and feel the vibe. No pressure on me. He doesn’t know, so if I change my mind, chicken out, die; His life and our relationship will be unaffected and it would make our next meeting easy and means I avoid any awkwardness that 100% would have manifested should I have asked about him or told him how I felt.
Butttttt since then, I haven’t really spoken to him and my crush has simmered down. I’m sitting here and maybe, just maybe, it might be best that I don’t overstep that friendship mark. I attempted to cross that friendship line before, when I was younger and I was rejected.
Maybe this time, Melanie plays it safe. Maybe this time, Melanie will just keep this crush as that. A crush. Unrequited love that can be managed. I mean, call me Helga G. Pataki, because he’ll never find out how I feel.